Writing Exercise

 I remember looking at the script of who I was supposed to be and what my family and the world expected of me and for 20 years I played that part. For a few seasons I loved my character, I didn’t question my role and I read my lines with pride. Slowly, but surely, I started to realize that this character was not me, nor how I wanted to be perceived. I had known I was gay for a really long time, but that was definitely not in my character description

 

MCKAYLYN: (young, conservative, evangelical, straight, able, capable, unquestionative of authority) 

     She worships on stage

MCKAYLYN: It’s a sin. 

 

I remember kissing my best friend when we were eight and laughing as we wished we could just marry each other. 

Search: big boobs

I just wish I looked like that

right? 

yeah…that’s definitely why I’m saving these pictures to my memory

 

 

that is why my stomach feels like and my brain rationalizes

 

 

 

I remember in high school, crying as my best friend got a boyfriend and wondering why I was so jealous. WHY WAS I SO JEALOUS? I cried… why’d I cry? ... why’d I hide my tears from her?... 

why can’t she know I’m jealous?

MCKAYLYN: I solemnly swear to find the male version of you [their pinkies interlock]

 

 

But at night  

                                                               Alone..  

I wondered 

Why must I search for the male version of her 

When she is right here 

Does she wonder how I taste too? 

Does she dream of future memories? 

Does she pull me closer at our 6^th sleepover that week 

Because she loves me too? 

Loves me 

Loves me as more than a friend 

FArenDah

fffff         rrrrr   iiii   eeee nnnnn dddd

The word is like peanut butter in my mouth 

It does not do us justice 

Friend  

Best friend 

Friend 

No 

No 

Nononononononononnonooonnonoononononononononnonooonnonoononononononono

Will I always just be her best friend?  

Wait. Why did I think that? Why did I care. Tears stream down my face.  

God  

       why  

   did  

you  

make  

me  

this                     

 way?  

Why do you hate me so much?  

I will never truly be happy and that is what you want for my life.  

These are the cards I have been dealt.  

 

MCKAYLYN: It’s me.